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The Truth about Elves
Our Elves Are Better

As a rule, elves are both beautiful and graceful — and they know it, too, which is my major problem with the manky little gits. The fact is that most elves are arrogant snots.
— "Wulf", in Heart of the Lion 3: The Red and The Green, by Anthony Pryor-Brown
Everything you can do elves can do better, elves are much better at everything than you.
— Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

Elves are many different things to many different people, but it's important to remember the one thing elves always are: Better.

Better than you, me, and even other elves. Especially other elves.

They are also quite aware of that fact and will let you know it, again and again and you won't argue about it, ever. That said, fantasy elves aren't always elitist Smug Snakes. There's six main kinds of elves in fiction:

High Elves: These guys are better than you, and they won't hesitate to remind you at every opportunity. They're usually physically superior in "every way that counts" (which is to say, they don't count others' strengths as worthwhile) and are usually highly proficient in magic. They'll frequently be part of an ancient civilization/kingdom that has been in Medieval Stasis since before human speech. These guys usually favor whites, reds, blues, and imperial purples and wear super-sumptous clothes along with delicate jewelry that make fangirls squee with envy. Rapiers, bows, and spears are favored weapons for their ground forces, with the option of sleek scimitars in settings where rapiers are too modern.
Wood Elves: In tune with nature and prone to spiritual contemplation. All the same, they kick bow-y butt in combat. Generally they're magical in a druidic rather than wizardly way. Can be The Empath, often found in a Hidden Elf Village in a forest. These guys are among the least stuck up elves, but that might not be saying much, since they usually replace Cultural Posturing with lectures on respecting nature. Obviously, they favor greens, browns, and flowy billowy clothes when they aren't wearing leaves. They generally use bows, knives, and short swords.
Dark Elves: Take the above two, sprinkle in some xenophobia and a dash of Always Chaotic Evil, allow to simmer and season to taste. Dark Elves are usually closer to The Fair Folk, except these guys are organized as cities or even civilizations and hell bent on evil, rather than "just" operating on an alien morality. These guys will wear black leather bondage gear when they aren't wearing Spikes Of Villainy, speak in the Black Speech, and kick dogs. Same weapons as the others, only their blades are serrated. Yet despite living in caves they're still gorgeous.
Half-Elves: Since elves can't help being so awesome, it's no surprise they get to 'know' a lot of people, If You Know What I Mean. The result of all this canoodling are Half-Elves. These guys have half the coolness of their elf parent, but half the suck of their human side (including mortality and - worse by far - facial hair). They are usually outcasts, or if not outcasts, then have utterly embraced one of their parentages completely (not surprisingly, usually the Elf part because humans suck). Even so, expect pure blood elves to sneer at them, and at best pity them. Only rarely will they be treated as equals, which gives them an Wangst rating on par with the Friendly Neighborhood Vampire. Oddly, Elves will usually treat Half-Elves far worse than they treat normal Humans, despite the fact that Humans are the only real reason for their hate in the first place.
On occasion, pure-blooded Elves will disavow the existence of Half-Elves altogether because no Elf would ever associate with such an inferior species. In these cases, it's not unlikely for the parent to be ridiculed and/or exiled, as well.
Disturbingly close to 19th Century "Tragic Mulatto" stories (see the entry in Pass Fail).
Space Elves: A newer variation, Space Elves can be a straight up copy of any of the aforementioned variants, but IN SPACE! Usually, they are also notable because their technology is either organic, crystalline, or otherwise very pretty and completely renewable/in tune with nature (and can probably blow your ships right out of space before you can even see them). And of course, replace a bow with a laser gun (or better yet, laser bows!) and you're in business. (Note to future writers: no one has yet done Christmas Elves In Space!)'(Note to the Note: Sluggy Freelance'' did Christmas Elves in Space.)

All elves usually share the following traits:
Human-sized, if not slightly smaller. (Exception: High Elves are frequently taller, just to emphasize their inherent arrogance superiority.)
Lithe and nimble, bordering on Squishy Wizard.
Fair
With pointy ears. The exact pointyness varies. Some favor "Humanlike with a point at the tip", while many works (particularly anime for some reason) have thin, trianglular ears a foot long, often sticking out at a 90-degree angle from their heads.
Long Lived and immune to Who Wants To Live Forever.
Magical in one way or another, either from being highly spiritual or innately magical.
Straight and golden-blond or white shoulder length hair, straight dark hair, or flowing red tresses the color of autumn leaves are common. For some reason other colors and curly or kinky hair are rarely seen, unless it's a setting where elves are distinct from humans by having a rainbow of unnatural hair colors, like metallic silver, ruby red, purple, bright blue, pink and green.
No facial hair. Period. They don't grow it and never have to shave. This is pervasive to the point a Perma Stubble or beard on an elf would be near mind shatteringly weird. (This is occasionally averted, most notably in Elfquest, Looking For Group, and the Warcraft universe. Also in Lord Of The Rings where extremely old elves can grow a beard as impressive as any human, but it's rare)
Very, very pretty. To the point of fetishism. (Those pointed ears...)

This subject is prone to Internet Backdraft on RPG forums. Many see elves as only enjoyed by twinks or those who wish to see themselves as better than everyone else in every facet, yet others claim that elves are above such things.

Compare Our Elves Are Worse The Fair Folk. Contrast Humans Are Special. Also see Christmas Elves for the other kind of elf.

And whatever you do, don't mention the Dwarves.